Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."
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ATC: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
ATC: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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ATC: November 2115L, are you a Cessna?
2115L: No, sir...I am a male Hispanic.
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ATC: Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!
Delta 351: Give us another hint! We have digital watches!
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Note: In the below conversation, WN is the IATA designator code for Southwest Airlines.
Skyhawk:"Albuquerque Tower, Skyhawk 62507 is with you for 17."
ATC: "Skyhawk 507, runway 17 cleared to land, wind 150 at 4."
Skyhawk: "Cleared to land 17, Skyhawk 507."
WN: "Albuquerque Tower, Southwest XXX holding short at 8 for IFR to Dallas."
ATC: "Southwest XXX, position and hold runway 8, traffic is a Cessna 172 landing runway 17 on a ten-mile final."
WN: "Position and hold, runway 8... did you say a ten-mile final for the Cessna?"
ATC: "Affirmative."
WN: "Southwest XXX, in position on 8, will wait for the Cessna."
ATC: "That's mighty kind of you, Southwest XXX."
WN: "Anyone got a deck of cards?"
Skyhawk: "Skyhawk 507, we're pedaling as fast as we can."
ATC (exasperated): "Take your time, Skyhawk 507."